There are various factors that are essential to a good shidduch:
Hashkafa, personality, life goals, background… among others. Some have more importance than others, but they all carry some weight.
However, there are people who think otherwise. There are people who believe that there is only one ingredient necessary to make a good marriage. There are people who believe that if singles want to get married badly enough, they have it within their power to do so.
Listen up all you languishing singles, listen up parents of singles, and listen up shadchanim and wannabe shadchanim.
You can hang up the phone, ditch the vetting process, delete the list of what you’re looking for in a potential spouse, and throw out the notebooks with descriptions and information.
There are people who have condensed all that a good marriage entails into one basic component: good middos.
And while I agree that good middos are of utmost importance in any situation and particularly in marriage, I vehemently disagree with the assertion that that’s all it takes to make a good marriage.
If people got married based on that assumption, they would quickly morph into someone you don’t recognize as they proverbially bend over backwards to make their marriage work. Forget about superficialities such as being happily married, their entire Shana Rishona, (which even in the best of cases requires work and adjustment,) would be about changing themselves so that they can simply tolerate their spouse, and merging sometimes vastly different goals and outlooks in life so that they can head somewhat in the same direction. Someone in the marriage would evolve into a chameleonic person as they try to figure out who they are and who they need to become in order for the marriage to work.
I certainly don’t intend to test that theory but for anyone who considers it, flex your muscles. You’re in for the workout of a lifetime.