Seems ludicrous that he even tried, right? Didn’t he realize that what seems idyllic and peaceful to him, is simply not the same to her? Even if she caved in and did it his way, eventually she’d grow resentful of being talked into “liking” something she never wanted.
It was interesting to read this just after I’d been thinking of this idea in relation to shidduchim. The way dating works, the first few dates are usually focused on getting to know each other and then, when things seem to be moving along, hashkafa and goals are discussed. (I’m not sure what’s the logic behind doing it that way but that won’t be the focus of this post.)
See, in my dating career, there have been a few times when things started getting serious. However, when hashkafa and goals were discussed, it came out that we weren’t on the same page at all. So after getting to know each other, developing feelings for each other and liking each other, things came to a halt because of what’s most important: ensuring that our goals and core ideology are congruent and complementary.
I can still hear the clichéd line, “When you love someone, their dream becomes your dream, their goals become your goals and you want to help them reach it.”
And I ask this: What about mine?
Do my dreams have no value? What happens to my goal in life when I give it up for someone else’s? How long can you try to fit a square peg into a round hole before you realize it’s futile?
Dreams aren’t whims. Goals aren’t whims. I’m not a whim.
And I end with a line I once came across, which I adapted to the world of shidduchim:
I think of shidduchim as the modern equivalent of running the gauntlet. The hearty survive and the rest are pushed to the sidelines, destined to always be the audience, not the players.
Yup, if you don’t stick up for your ideals, you can quickly become a passive member of a life you never dreamed of for yourself.
And I won’t let that happen to me.