It’s my 30th birthday today. I wake up and look outside. The sky is dark and it’s raining. I have half a mind to call in sick and stay under my covers. I feel sad and cold. I think about the pictures I got of my friend’s recent birthday party. It was full of streamers and balloons and party favors and love and happiness. Here’s what my birthday looks like: A text message from a friend saying “happy birthday”. Someone else sent me lunch with a note saying “happy birthday, thinking of you.”
I cry because of the lack of celebration but I know I’d also cry if there was a big shindig. Today is no day for parties and presents. How can anyone rejoice at my crossing the bridge into spinsterhood? I’m over the hill. Maybe I was able to fool myself into thinking I wasn't that old when I was in my 20’s. But I can’t anymore. I’m old. I’m alone. I rarely get dates and when I do they’re awful. I’m losing hope that there are good, normal guys left. I feel like I only have two options: to stay unhappily single or to get married and be unhappy. I know that there are a few guys I dated who would marry me if I said yes. But I also know that there’s no way I could marry them and be happy. There were too many red flags to ignore. Too many things wrong with the picture. So does being old make it right?
Happy birthday to me.